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I'm confused.
Really, thats the only way to describe the way I feel whenever I think about you.
The whole you.
And calm down.
I'm not talking to you.
*Points*
I'm talking to YOU.
*Points in another direction*
Everytime I think about you, I get nostalgic.
I miss you.
Let me correct that.
I miss what we used to be.
I miss the memory.
But I'm not sure I miss you.
Because the second I encounter the real you,
I cant stand you.
And maybe thats too harsh.
But I cant stand what you've become.
Because I know its not the real you.
Or maybe it is, who knows.
I mean, lets be honest, it probably is the real you.
But its not the you that was real to me.
And I'm not gonna act like I was delusional to think that the old you could ever be the real you.
Because the old you was real to me for a really long time.
Now,
Your laugh,
Your smile,
Your hair,
Your speech,
Your stories,
They're all foreign to me.
And I wonder how it ever got like this.
How did we go from that to this?
How did I let it happen?
How could I let it happen?
It had to happen.
It was inevitable.
Clearly, this is the you thats been waiting to burst out since the beginning.
But I wonder if you remember the old you like I remember the old you.
I wonder if you remember any of your past.
Because I felt like I was a big part of your past.
In a completely non-vain way.
I mean to say that we were in eachothers lives for a very long time.
I wonder if you remember that.
I wonder if you remember me.
Cause I remember you.
All the time.
And sometimes I wait around,
For the day that you realize that everythings wrong,
And I hug you,
And you hug me back.
And we remember.
Everything.
Sometimes I hope that the real you... or, I guess, the old you,
Sometimes I hope that the old you is trapped in the new you.
Sometimes I hope that you'll wake up,
Or you'll hear a song,
Or you think of a memory,
That we once shared.
Sometimes I hope that you'll come to this realization,
And you'll start crying.
And, slowly, the old you will reemerge.
The old you will become the real you again, and you'll be able to breath.
But then I see the real you.
Your new laugh.
Your new smile.
Your new hair.
Your new speech.
Your new stories.
And I know that you're one hundred percent happy with what you've become.
And I'm disappointed.
Because for a brief second,
I really convinced myself that someday you'd be you again.
But you are you.
What you were before was never you.
And I become even more disappointed that I was lied to for so long.
Cause you were a really important part of my life.
You still are.
Well.... the memory of you still is.
But I have hard time letting myself let you be important to me.
Because I know that I'm not important to you anymore.
I wonder if I ever was.
I'm sure you thought I was.
But if you could just give up so easily,
Was I, really?
Every time I see you I think about how much I dont know you anymore.
But I wonder if you ever think about how much you dont know about me.
Do you realize that my life went on just like yours did?
Do you ever wonder which course it took?
Do you ever wonder whats happening?
I hear about your life all the time.
Whether you know it or not.
Because you're gossip.
Youre a conversation starter.
Do you ever hear about me?
Do you care?
Do I care if you care?
Yes.
Because I want you to want to know about me.
Because once you did.
And I miss that.
I miss us.
I miss the past.
But, I suppose, no matter how much I miss it,
The past will never be present again.
*looks around and realizes I've made a scene and a crowd is watching*
Woops.
Sorry.
-Adriana
Tags: rant
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1 comments:
Don't worry.
You're the not only one to miss the old one.
Even if it's completely different for me.
And.
We care about you.
Always will.
No matter what.
:)
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