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I have made a decision, and the decision is this:
I am going to start blogging again.
At least,
I'm going to try.
Perhaps this will be more remedial than anything else.
But
Why not, yeah?
Though, blogging might be harder than anticipated.
I fear I will have nothing to say,
As it seems I have less and less to say each day.
That frustrates me.
And it's frustrating that it frustrates me.
I was once so complacent with silence.
I reveled in it, even.
I was once perfectly pleased with the placidity of my perceptions.
But I have since then allowed noise into my life.
Without realizing it,
I was suddenly surrounded by sounds.
By noise.
By dissonance and resonance.
Without realizing it,
I made my ears vulnerable to clamor and clatter of consciousness.
Suddenly,
My ears yearned to listen.
And my tongue yearned to respond.
I wanted a rapport with noise.
And finally, I had one.
I became comfortable with noise.
I let it fill me up.
I found cracks and voids in my life and filled them with noise.
I heard noise,
And I made noise.
I contributed to the wall of sound that was pushing me through each day.
And now,
As graduation gets nearer,
I can feel things literally come to a close.
Daily, things become quieter.
The noise is slipping away from me.
Growing faint.
I am being thrown back into silence.
And it's a silence that makes me uneasy.
I am suffocating in silence.
An unbearably loud silence.
And this loudness is creating a pressure on my being,
But it's not that of the wall of sound.
I am not being pushed forward, safely and steadily, anymore.
I am instead being pushed within myself.
Becoming quieter and quieter.
Suffocating.
And I am grasping for something to break the surface tension.
To allow the sound particles to reverberate once more.
To resonate and echo my mind into activity.
I'm grasping but not grabbing.
And so my mind is being thrust into the sound of silence once more.
Major aspects of my life are coming to a close,
And I worry I'll have to get used to the silence again.
I want to fight it,
But,
I'm afraid that standing alone I'm not loud enough.
That said,
I've been listening to lots of Simon & Garfunkel lately.
See you all soon.
- Adriana
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