Thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope you stay a while, and find something that tickles your fancy. Feel free to contact me via email, Twitter, and/or comments.

WELCOME WHO I AM WHERE I LIVE WHAT I DO

I know, I know.
Two posts in one day?
Who do I think I am?
For the record, I feel much better than I did five hours ago.
Immediately after I logged off my blog, however, I did have a little incident where I became increasingly irritated and locked myself in my room for about 15 minutes.
Baby steps, yeah?
Anyways, I think the reason for my spirits being lifted
Was this wonder of a young'n who has inspired me to no end:

Tavi Gevinson

All you avid bloggers should be nodding your head at the mention of this legendary blogger.
For those of you who arent avid bloggers, click and be inspired --> http://tavi-thenewgirlintown.blogspot.com/
This is the part that the angelic chorus sings.
This incredible little fireball is only 13.
THIRTEEN.
And she's so knowledgeable,
And sure of herself, and her sense of style.
This girl is, no other word for it, fierce.
At 13, she has typed her way up the ladder to the top of a blog empire.
And its genius.
Here is a great article explaining her more articulately than I am.
Read the article,
Read her blog,
Fall in love.
For now, be satisfied with some of my favorite pictures of her:

Ah, to be young and cool again.
...
I take that back.
Because I'm still young,
And I was never cool.
*Sigh*
Owell.
For now I will live vicariously through other, inspiring, 20x cooler than me, people.

Its time for me to re-think this whole blog business.
Do you guys really care about listening to my mental breakdowns and plans to fix them?
Would you rather see pretty pictures of other people?
Would you rather learn about cool things like Tavi's blog vis-a-vis my blog?
I'm still confused how to define my blog.
Feedback would be much appreciated.
What do y'all want to see?
Lemme know.


-Adriana

[p.s. all picture rights go to Tavi herself. Go to her blog for more info.]

[NOTE: Warning: I may sound super depressed at the beginning of this post. I'm not. I'm just confused. I'm just a teenager. So please dont come talking to me about psychologists, or therapy, or say I sound suicidal. I'm not stupid. If a blog is supposed to be like an online journal, thats how I intend to treat it. Honest, real, and uncensored. So I really hope y'all can read such posts and not worry. And just listen. Cause thats all I need - all I want. I dont want someone to fix me. I dont want someone worrying about me. I just want people who will realize that I'm a girl being a girl. I want people who will be the happy influence in my life that I need right now. If you want to help, thats all I ask. Be happy. Be warm. Remind me what that means. Ok. Rant over. Onward.]

I need to take control again.
Not saying that I've lost control of my life.
But, ok, maybe I
am saying that.
I feel like I'm in a slump.
A bad one.
It's like, over the course of one small month, everything disappeared.
And I'm not even sure what falls under the "everything" category.
Everything, I guess.
And
everything hasnt dispappeared, per se.
But everything that made sense is a little muddled.
A little damaged.
And I'm a little sick of it.
In
June on The West Coat by Bright Eyes,
He says
"I wouldn’t have to bring up my so badly broken heart
And all those months of just wanting to sleep.
And though, spring, it did come slowly,
I guess it did its part -
My heart has thawed and continues to beat."
Its not like I've had my heart broken at all.
But something broke.
Its like my sense of self,
Of happiness,
Broke.
A little over one month ago, I was so optimistic about the months to come.
But quickly, this all came to a halt.
In 31 short days - people left; ambition fell; texts stopped; weariness skyrocketed; tests bombed; ideas were rejected; irritation grew; work was disregarded; and time caught up with me, all the while moving every so slowly.
Its not like I havent had these moments all throughout my life.
Cause I have.
Or its not like I havent had any happy days over the last month or so.
Cause I have.
But I think when it gets to the point where the bad overshadows the good,
Thats when you're in trouble.
And thats when I've had enough.
For Conor Oberst the rejuvenation and warmth of spring is what thawed out his heart - is what allowed his heart to beat normally again.
Here in Utah, true spring is still some time away.
(I say "true" because lately Mother Nature seems to be tricking us with glorious 45 degree weather.)
So I need to figure out how aquire these two things differently.
Ergo, the following plan.
1. Rejuvenation
I need to start fresh.
With my school work, mostly.
Which can be achieved with the mid-term that is so rapidly approaching Cottonwood High.
I know it doesnt make sense to have a new start begin at the end of something.
But things have to end before then can be new again.
So I will anxiously wait the mid-term.
I will do whatever I need to do to make my mid-term even semi-successful.
Then from there,
When the second half of the term begins,
I will tackle it full force.
Also, I would like to rejuvenate some ties with people.
Ties that I'm afraid have faltered.
This one might be a little harder though due to the fact that I'm only one half of this.
And I'm not sure if the other half even wants to rejuvenate the tie.
But what will it hurt to try, yeah?
Another thing that needs to be rejuvenated: my mind.
Some say breathing deeply is the best way to send natural endorphins to your brain.
Others say excersising is.
I say give me the best of both worlds:
Yoga.
The last month of summer I took up yoga.
But when the school year started I got busy and gave up on it.
If you're too busy to take care of your body and mind, you're not doing something right.
Your mental and physical health should be your top priority.
Keeps those things in check, and everything else will follow naturally.
I think doing yoga will help me achieve that.
Help me achieve the rejuvenation that I'm so desperately seeking.
2. Warmth
Theres only one way to get this warmth I desire, in the midst of winter:
Be happy.
Easier said than done, though, yeah?
So how do I do it?
This isnt a rhetorical question.
I'm serious.
How do YOU,
Yes, you the blog reader,
Stay positive when everything around you seems so negative?
There a couple of things I can think of doing:
a) Get out of my head.
It seems like thats when things start going bad for me.
When I'm so in my head,
So in my thoughts,
So in my ideal fantasies,
That living life is boring.
And all I want to do is sleep, and dream.
I need to remember that dreams only happen 8 out of the 24 hours of the day.
If I'm living the other 16 hours idly waiting to be asleep again,
I'm a terrible waste of a person.
I need to realize I'm a player in this game of life.
I'm not just a spectator.
b) Surround myself with happy people.
I'm sick of negative nancy's.
I'm sick of criticism.
I'm sick of people who bring me down.
Misery loves company, but it isnt fair.
I want people who make "The Perfect Day" (from post 12,) possible.
And I know that everyone I know has it in them.
But only a select few have abilitity to bring that happiness forward.
So I want to hang out with you.
You who emanates the warmth I'm looking for.
You who will give me the courage,
And the want,
To be happy.
If you think I'm talking to you, then thank you for being in my life.
If you dont think I'm talking to you, then buck up and be happy.
It would do us all good.
It would do you good.
I know,
If I were on the other side of this moniter,
I wouldnt be talking to me.
Which is why I need people like you to make me the person I want to be talking to.
Goodness I'm not even making sense anymore.
c) Listen to happy music.
Because if theres one thing that can always lift my spirits, its a happy song.
A song that reminds me of everything thats good about spring.
A song that for three minutes gives me hope for a happy perspective.
A song that just lets me bask in its simplicity, and doesnt make me explain why it makes me feel good.
The song explains itself.
Todays song:
Michael Franti & Spearhead - Say Hey .mp3
Found at bee mp3 search engine
(Yes, this is the song from Valentines Day.
Yes, I loved that movie.
Yes, I'm in love with Ashton Kutcher.
Yes, I'm a girl.
Its in our blood to fall for these kind of movies.)

This post is nearing novel-length, so I'll wrap up.
As I was writing this post I was reminded of something from Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss.
I retreived the book, to reference it, and begin to try to find it.
I didnt find what I was looking for, but instead I found the following:
"When your in a Slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done. You can get so confused, that you'll start to race/ down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace/ and grind on for miles across a weridish wild space/ headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. The Waiting Place... For people just waiting. Everyone is just waiting. NO! That's not for you! Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying. You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing."
Thank you for Dr. Suess for ever-so-sneakily slipping into our lives and knowing exactly what to say.
Un-slumping is not easily done.
But its also not for me.
I know it.
Dr. Suess knows it.
And both he and I have faith in my ability to un-slump.
So what I ask of you is your faith.
And your patience.
And your presence.
And your tricks to staying happy when you've landed in a Slump.
=)
Thanks for listening.


-Adriana

I would wake up to Mushaboom by Fiest.
It would be 8:30-ish.
For 15 minutes I would lie in my bed,
Drowning in my plush white comforter.
I would watch backlight of the morning sun flood into my room and onto my mint green walls.
I would get up and open my window.
A warm breeze would make its way onto my face and I would breath in the spring air.
(Because, of course, the perfect day is in spring.)
I would get dressed,
Prefferably in a dress and cotton leggings,
And make my way outside.
I would sit on the grass in the backyard with the intention of reading a book, or writing, like they do in the movies.
But instead I would get distracted by my phone.
I would habitually check my email, and Twitter, and MLIA.
Then I would get a text from you.
You would ask me to hang out.
I would agree to.
We would go to eat a classic diner breakfast.
I would get sunny side up eggs with white toast.
Conversation would roll between us naturally as Jack Johnson played overhead.
After breakfast, its ten o clock, and we would decide to go back to your house.
But first, we would make a pit stop at the store.
We would buy all kinds of comfort food.
Hot Cheetos, Capri Suns, and best of all.... Otterpops.
We would pick up the latest in Seventeen magazine,
And head back home.
We would park ourselves in your backyard, under the sun.
We would blast my favorite playlist over speakers.
(Included: Vampire Weekend, The Shins [a la
Wincing the Night Away], Her Space Holiday, Death Cab for Cute, She & Him, and Norah and the Whale.)
I would thumb through Seventeen.
You would listen intently as I told you your horiscope.
We would lazy in your backyard for hours as we talked and worked on our pathetic tans.
I would eat Otterpops (one of each color.)
I would get restless and insist we do something.
When really all I want to do is stay right where I am.
We would decide we've had enough sun, for now, and go inside.
We would make lunch.
We would dance in the kitchen to Viva La Vida by Coldplay as we make quesadillas.
We would make sure to stop what we're doing to belt out the "Woaaaaah" part.
We would eat our quesadillas, drink Pepsi, and marvel at our impressive cooking skills.
We would then decide to watch 500 Days of Summer and dance along with Joseph Gordon Levitt when appropriate.
I would comment the Expectations/Reality part, like I always do.
When the movies over we would call up our favorite people and invite them over.
At this point its early evening and we decide its the perfect sunlight for a barbeque.
People would pile into your backyard as Wake Up by Arcade Fire plays.
We would grill hamburgers and eat barbeque flavored chips.
Everyone would sit around conversing as we eat.
The sun would start to set and we would decide its time for some kind of water fight.
Of course, on a perfect day, I have water balloons on hand.
I would break them out and the war would begin.
When its over, the sun is almost completely set.
We would all complain about our lack of planning.
(No sun + wet clothes = COLD.)
But we all know we wouldnt take it back.
We would start a fire and draw blankets around our shoulders.
The sky would be a shade of purple as All My Days by Alexi Murdoch pours out of the speakers.
Everyone would be unworried as they fell into conversation.
The night would end, and I would go back home.
I would lay on the couch and catch up on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
I would stare intently at the laptop screen as I blogged about what just happened.
(Because, lets be honest, I would blog about it.)
My dog would fall asleep next to me as I idly pet him.
When I finish,
I would go to my room and put on my favorite yoga pants.
I would say goodnight to my fish,
And turn off my light.
But not before turning my iPod to my instrumental playlist.
The faint bluelight of my iPod dock would illuminate my room ever so slightly as it commences a night of Jon Brion, Claude Debussy, The Album Leaf, Chopin, and Chaz Prymek.
I would lay down on my bed and sink into the covers.
I would lay there for a moment.
I would consider everthing thats happened that day.
I would smile at the laziness,
The warmth
The simplicity
of it all.
Then
The sound of the sprinkler system turning on would grumble outside my window.
And the day would offically be perfect.

When asked to consider my perfect day earlier today, I joked about it being in New Zealand or something.
But I think a day where I'm doing nothing,
With my favorite people,
Set to the ultimate playlist,
Would be perfectly content.
Which, really, is all the "perfect" I want.
Perfectly satisfied.

What would you do on your perfect day?

-Adriana

(p.s. I dont know who "you" is. But if you think you could maybe fit the criteria of the day described above, shoot me a text. I'm in the mood for a perfect day.)

I just want to sink into my bed covers and disintegrate.
Then I want to take those disintegrated particles and squeeze them into a really really small ball.
Then I want to take that ball, and hide it under my pillow.
Then I want to take the hidden ball under the pillow, and push it to the farthest corner of my bed.
And when I'm a ball, hidden under a pillow, in the farthest corner of my bed, I want to take a deep breath.
So deep that I disintegrate again.
Then all my particles will melt into my bed.
And I'll be buried.
Within my bed.
Within my breath.
Within myself.
And I'll stay there forever.

-Adriana

 
Copyright 2010 Oh, The Places We'll Go