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[NOTE: Warning: I may sound super depressed at the beginning of this post. I'm not. I'm just confused. I'm just a teenager. So please dont come talking to me about psychologists, or therapy, or say I sound suicidal. I'm not stupid. If a blog is supposed to be like an online journal, thats how I intend to treat it. Honest, real, and uncensored. So I really hope y'all can read such posts and not worry. And just listen. Cause thats all I need - all I want. I dont want someone to fix me. I dont want someone worrying about me. I just want people who will realize that I'm a girl being a girl. I want people who will be the happy influence in my life that I need right now. If you want to help, thats all I ask. Be happy. Be warm. Remind me what that means. Ok. Rant over. Onward.]I need to take control again.Not saying that I've lost control of my life.
But, ok, maybe I am saying that.
I feel like I'm in a slump.
A bad one.
It's like, over the course of one small month, everything disappeared.
And I'm not even sure what falls under the "everything" category.
Everything, I guess.
And everything hasnt dispappeared, per se.
But everything that made sense is a little muddled.
A little damaged.
And I'm a little sick of it.
In June on The West Coat by Bright Eyes,
He says
"I wouldn’t have to bring up my so badly broken heart
And all those months of just wanting to sleep.
And though, spring, it did come slowly,
And all those months of just wanting to sleep.
And though, spring, it did come slowly,
I guess it did its part -
My heart has thawed and continues to beat."
My heart has thawed and continues to beat."
Its not like I've had my heart broken at all.
But something broke.
Its like my sense of self,
Of happiness,
Broke.
A little over one month ago, I was so optimistic about the months to come.
But quickly, this all came to a halt.
In 31 short days - people left; ambition fell; texts stopped; weariness skyrocketed; tests bombed; ideas were rejected; irritation grew; work was disregarded; and time caught up with me, all the while moving every so slowly.
Its not like I havent had these moments all throughout my life.
Cause I have.
Or its not like I havent had any happy days over the last month or so.
Cause I have.
But I think when it gets to the point where the bad overshadows the good,
Thats when you're in trouble.
And thats when I've had enough.
For Conor Oberst the rejuvenation and warmth of spring is what thawed out his heart - is what allowed his heart to beat normally again.
Here in Utah, true spring is still some time away.
(I say "true" because lately Mother Nature seems to be tricking us with glorious 45 degree weather.)
So I need to figure out how aquire these two things differently.
Ergo, the following plan.
1. Rejuvenation
I need to start fresh.
With my school work, mostly.
Which can be achieved with the mid-term that is so rapidly approaching Cottonwood High.
I know it doesnt make sense to have a new start begin at the end of something.
But things have to end before then can be new again.
So I will anxiously wait the mid-term.
I will do whatever I need to do to make my mid-term even semi-successful.
Then from there,
When the second half of the term begins,
I will tackle it full force.
Also, I would like to rejuvenate some ties with people.
Ties that I'm afraid have faltered.
This one might be a little harder though due to the fact that I'm only one half of this.
And I'm not sure if the other half even wants to rejuvenate the tie.
But what will it hurt to try, yeah?
Another thing that needs to be rejuvenated: my mind.
Some say breathing deeply is the best way to send natural endorphins to your brain.
Others say excersising is.
I say give me the best of both worlds:
Yoga.
The last month of summer I took up yoga.
But when the school year started I got busy and gave up on it.
If you're too busy to take care of your body and mind, you're not doing something right.
Your mental and physical health should be your top priority.
Keeps those things in check, and everything else will follow naturally.
I think doing yoga will help me achieve that.
Help me achieve the rejuvenation that I'm so desperately seeking.
2. Warmth
Theres only one way to get this warmth I desire, in the midst of winter:
Be happy.
Easier said than done, though, yeah?
So how do I do it?
This isnt a rhetorical question.
I'm serious.
How do YOU,
Yes, you the blog reader,
Stay positive when everything around you seems so negative?
There a couple of things I can think of doing:
a) Get out of my head.
It seems like thats when things start going bad for me.
When I'm so in my head,
So in my thoughts,
So in my ideal fantasies,
That living life is boring.
And all I want to do is sleep, and dream.
I need to remember that dreams only happen 8 out of the 24 hours of the day.
If I'm living the other 16 hours idly waiting to be asleep again,
I'm a terrible waste of a person.
I need to realize I'm a player in this game of life.
I'm not just a spectator.
b) Surround myself with happy people.
I'm sick of negative nancy's.
I'm sick of criticism.
I'm sick of people who bring me down.
Misery loves company, but it isnt fair.
I want people who make "The Perfect Day" (from post 12,) possible.
And I know that everyone I know has it in them.
But only a select few have abilitity to bring that happiness forward.
So I want to hang out with you.
You who emanates the warmth I'm looking for.
You who will give me the courage,
And the want,
To be happy.
If you think I'm talking to you, then thank you for being in my life.
If you dont think I'm talking to you, then buck up and be happy.
It would do us all good.
It would do you good.
I know,
If I were on the other side of this moniter,
I wouldnt be talking to me.
Which is why I need people like you to make me the person I want to be talking to.
Goodness I'm not even making sense anymore.
c) Listen to happy music.
Because if theres one thing that can always lift my spirits, its a happy song.
A song that reminds me of everything thats good about spring.
A song that for three minutes gives me hope for a happy perspective.
A song that just lets me bask in its simplicity, and doesnt make me explain why it makes me feel good.
The song explains itself.
Todays song:
| Michael Franti & Spearhead - Say Hey .mp3 | ||
 | ||
 | Found at bee mp3 search engine |  |
Yes, I loved that movie.
Yes, I'm in love with Ashton Kutcher.
Yes, I'm a girl.
Its in our blood to fall for these kind of movies.)
This post is nearing novel-length, so I'll wrap up.
As I was writing this post I was reminded of something from Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss.
I retreived the book, to reference it, and begin to try to find it.
I didnt find what I was looking for, but instead I found the following:
"When your in a Slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done. You can get so confused, that you'll start to race/ down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace/ and grind on for miles across a weridish wild space/ headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. The Waiting Place... For people just waiting. Everyone is just waiting. NO! That's not for you! Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying. You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing."
Thank you for Dr. Suess for ever-so-sneakily slipping into our lives and knowing exactly what to say.
Un-slumping is not easily done.
But its also not for me.
I know it.
Dr. Suess knows it.
And both he and I have faith in my ability to un-slump.
So what I ask of you is your faith.
And your patience.
And your presence.
And your tricks to staying happy when you've landed in a Slump.
=)
Thanks for listening.
-Adriana
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