Thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope you stay a while, and find something that tickles your fancy. Feel free to contact me via email, Twitter, and/or comments.
It is 3:19 AM,
I am sitting on a couch that is not mine,
In a living room that is not mine,
Attempting to avoid sleeping in a bed that is not mine.
Even though
All these things
Are now mine.
Tonight I moved into my new apartment.
It’s a lovely apartment,
Close to the campus,
Large kitchen, large living room, friendly roommates.
But also,
Far from everything I know.
Far from a place where I know people, the city, places.
Orem is lovely.
I’ve lived here for only a couple of hours, and I can already tell I will get along with my roommates just fine.
They’re a great bunch.
But I feel so disconnected.
From everything.
This place doesn’t even have internet.
I mean…. really.
Really.
Moving is a good change.
A very positive one.
A very necessary one.
But I think I’m more scared than I thought I would be.
Today as I drove with my sisters on the way to Orem, Ingrid asked me
“What are you going to do all week?”
My immediate answer was, “Well, I’m coming up to Salt Lake on Monday, and for a bit on Wednesday.”
And then she asked “Yes, but what about the rest of the week?”
And I paused. I didn’t know what to say. What was I going to do with the rest of my time?
I’m suddenly on my own, with all this free time, to do whatever it is I want to do.
What do I want to do?
I know no one. I know where nothing is here.
I’m forty five minutes away from home and I’m in a completely different world.
I feel hundreds of miles away from everything.
I’m not homesick, I don’t think.
It’s not that I want to be home under the warm protection of my parents.
It’s not that I want to be sleeping in my wonderful full size bed.
It’s not that I want to be in a place where I know I will have internet in the morning.
It’s not that.
I just want to feel close to people in my life.
I want to have the option to see them as I wish.
I’m friendsick.
Siblingsick.
Yousick.
I’m uncomfortable.
So.
I am listening to the album Two Way Monologue,
Blogging,
Drinking water,
Trying to feel close to something as everything moves farther and farther away.
Trying to feel comfortable.
And just as it starts to work slightly,
I remember that I’m typing this post in a Word document.
Which I have done several times before.
But the difference now is that I’m not home.
Which means I won’t be able to publish this post in the morning when my mother turns on the internet.
Now,
I’m in my new internet-less apartment.
Internet-less whether it be night or day.
And now I have to go hunt down a free Wi-Fi spot.
Just so I can get on the internet to post this.
…
Thank goodness my phone has 3G.
Time to search for a Barnes and Noble in the Orem area.
-Adriana
Edit: WE FOUND WI-FI.
Hallelujah, all.
Hall-e-lujah.
Share this post:
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment